I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
