My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
