i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
