it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
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