I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Randomize
