god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Randomize
