so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
