she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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