I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
