can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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