I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize