if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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