I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
