He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
