Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
