i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
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