I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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