Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
