Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
