whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Randomize
