after a month anything with tits is on the radar
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I didn't notice because vodka
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
sex in a hospital.. check
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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