apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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