I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
