I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
