they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
