Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
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