I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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