I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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