I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I think i got beer on your cat.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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