I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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