btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
