I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize