What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
