Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
