Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize