No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
