well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
