1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
