pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
