she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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