I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
