Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize