Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
