Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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