I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
