I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
