Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Sorry about my life...
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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