First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
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And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
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Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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