Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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