Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
