Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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