she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
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