Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
