I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
