He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
