he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
