Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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