theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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