we're chasing vodka with high fives
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
