you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
