just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Randomize
