I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Randomize