I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?