So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
