There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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