I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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