And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
