Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Randomize
