Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
