So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
