I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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