My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
